you're much too late
by redrocketracer
Summary: Kenny picks the rose up by the stem and rolls it through two fingers. The thorns have been smoothed down after being touched and manhandled so much. It's sickly looking now, petals looking darker and bruised. The note reads 'Sorry, Kenny, you're much too late.'


I don't think you should love me

Always feel so lonely

Knowing that nothing will ever last forever

Sorry, Frank, you're much too late , much too late

Sorry Frank, you're, you're much too late

Much too late ( you're so late )

_(The more that I engage in it the more that I am mortified_

_That I am just like every other shitty guy)_

-**Creve Coeur **by Hobo Johnson

"This isn't forever." Craig Tucker says across from Kenny at Harbucks. It's surreal, really. Kenny hadn't seen Craig in good lighting in the span of a few years. In his memory, Craig is tall, lanky and awkward. Braces adorning crooked teeth with acne littering tan skin. Hair always cut rather badly; like it was done himself with kitchen scissors.

The Craig that mixes his black coffee together with one of those little stirrers in front of him is not the Craig that Kenny remembers. He's grown up like an ugly duckling who discovered they were a swan. Dark lashes resting on the apples of tan cheeks that are blemish free. Teeth that are free of metal, clean and straight-framed by pink lips that Kenny remembers yanking himself off to many feverish nights as a teenager. He's stopped growing and Kenny thinks that they are around the same height now. Craig fills his clothes out a little better than what he used to, still thin but not so much as before. Body looking softer and not hard on the edges, at least from what Kenny can see at the dip of Craigs sweater falling off his shoulder. Lastly, Craig's hair is more evened and falls a bit in his face. Cut off a bit below the ears. Looking more well styled.

Kenny noticed these things when they first started this dynamic. However, it's all illuminated in the fluorescent lights of Harbucks.

It's not really like Craig's appearance is ever what grabbed Kennys attention to him, though.

"Oh, why's that?" Kenny pries; he takes a sip of his strawberry frappuccino as Craig looks up to him. Green eyes, big as always, lay on Kenny. It's that same look that Kenny never could quite press his finger on. One of observances, perhaps. Kenny is the one that dies and dies, knows more secrets of the universe than any mortal has ever been granted.

When Craig gives him this look, Kenny swears he knows everything about him and any little mystery that is hidden. Kenny is aware he doesn't. Craig is mortal, at least to Kenny's knowledge. There was the lasers incident. However, as far as Kenny knows those worldly secrets are Kenny's, the deceased and powers that be. This is them "_ catching up _" in the only world Craig is granted entrance to, and Kenny knows Craig has as little information on Kenny as Kenny has of Craig in their adult lives. Kenny reached out to him through an email passed down to him from Craig's mom at their shared job. All Kenny has is what was in the past, what Laura says and what has been shared the few months they kept their meetups intact.

Still, Kenny can't help but feel vulnerable, as much as he used to as a teenager when Craig gave him the same look. In the past, it was always brief that Craig's attention would be on Kenny. Eyes falling on each other at parties, being the only ones on back porches or rooftops, hiding away from the loud music and other humans.

"Aren't we fucking?" Craig questions as if Kenny had forgotten. It's blunt and casual, Craig says it and lifts the cup of coffee to his lips to take a sip.

And well, yeah. That was the intent. It's all Kenny can really seem to get from Craig.

_Catching up _once a month meant exchanging blowies in Kenny's car or in mildly public places, Kenny fucking Craig into the table at his apartment and Craig bouncing himself up and down in Kenny's lap on the couch. That appeared to be where their two week long email correspondence lead them. It's the first time they were doing this in daylight. The first time Kenny really takes Craig in, not in the dimness of cars and artificial bright of streetlights. Not in the dark of Craig's apartment. The first time Kenny really, really can take Craig in since they graduated and Craig left for the big, big city.

Most mornings when Kenny would wake up after a night with Craig, he'd be left by himself.

"Maybe if you ask nicely, baby." Kenny flirts. Craig looks up at Kenny through those lashes and Kenny is brought back to their first time. Back to being pressed against his truck, Craig's mouth wrapped around him. Fingernails digging into Kenny's pale thighs, Craig looking up at him through lashes, green eyes shiny and wet in the light from the parking garage of Craig's apartment complex.

"This is the last time, Kenny." Craig confesses. Kenny freezes at that. It's a wave of disbelief that Craig would say it, although Kenny knows he should have expected it eventually. Kenny puts his drink down.

"What?" Kenny laughs out, trying to take it lightheartedly-a joke. He knows it's not a joke. Even before Craig looks to him with a roll of his eyes, letting a sigh escape him.

"You've gotten too close." Craig pulls the rose that Kenny handed him when he arrived to the local harbucks. It was shoved into his pocket when Kenny leaned in to press a kiss to Craig's cheek. Kenny plucked it from some strangers front yard before driving to Denver. Kenny looks at Craig's tense grip on the stem. Notices that the thorns are pricking at his flesh, notices the blood that begins to gather.

And really, isn't that symbolic? Kenny watches as Craig puts the wild rose down. Wipes the blood off his hands with a napkin.

Kenny has gotten close. But so has Craig. Even with Craig's reservation, there was a vulnerability that Kenny could read through his body language. How when Kenny would press his lips to Craig's, keep them there, Craig would take a deep breath through his nose. Almost as if kissing Kenny was this big relief. Like it was what he's been waiting for their entire time span away from each other. How Craig would smile as Kenny would wrap his arms around his middle when Craig would open up his door. The laughs that would escape him as Kenny would press kisses to sensitive little spots he'd be discovering. The little pieces of information Craig would give Kenny as they passed a joint back and forth on his balcony.

_"I don't do romantic relationships." _Craig would say to him as the wind would lick at Kenny's cheeks. Instead of pressuring Craig into contemplating them as being in one, Kenny takes another route. Kenny wants to be with Craig, has been since they were dumb kids with red, winter bitten cheeks and a camcorder. There was never an initial moment that Kenny could point his finger on; a moment where Kenny knew with certainty that he wanted Craig to be his. It was always there, even as kids. Just in a different ways, projected and presented in the appropriate forms for the age. Laura giving Kenny a way to contact Craig was a blessing, and Kenny wanted to ease himself into Craig's heart. Didn't want to force or pressure him into anything. Kenny didn't know if he ruined this if he'd ever get another chance. Craig shut himself away from everything. Deleted social medias, has a private number on a shitty trac phone, doesn't communicate with anyone but his family. And Kenny. That's it, and it was shocking Kenny even received a response.

_"Well...why's that?" _and Kenny doesn't really know if it's ever been asked. Has anyone _ever _asked Craig Tucker if he's ok?

Kenny remembers watching Craig placing down the blunt in the ashtray on Kenny's lap. Kenny remembers watching the way he bit at his lip, as if contemplating what he's to say. Watches as he shook his head. Watches as a singular teardrop began to gather and roll down Craig's soft, tan cheek.

_"Nothing really lasts _**_forever_ **_, Kenny. Sorry." _Craig would shrug as he said it. Kenny can see the hurt, though. Like it's all collected inside, stuffed and repressed. Coming out now in this small way. Craig may never talk about the feelings he felt growing up with the fact that he has a biological father that killed himself. May never talk about his mom and Thomas' divorce.

Craig did that night though. He did to Kenny. High and honest with a wet, burning face from snot and tears. It's the most Kenny ever got out of Craig. This was their last meet up, a few weeks back when Craig called Kenny over, saying he needed a distraction. Kenny didn't know from what. It's safe for Craig to keep it locked up inside of a fence, inside of safe, inside of a cage. Kenny knows the information he got from Craig that night was not what was eating at him. It was something else, and Kenny can't help but think back in the present moment that he knows now what he didn't then.

Kenny watches as Craig places the bloodied napkins to his side; and Kenny acknowledges this is less about him being too close and more about Craig being scared. Kenny kind of knew, but Craig is hard to read. Nothing quite all on display. It's easier now, written all over his face and his clothes and skin.

"Are you sure that's not just you?" Kenny questions. Craig pauses what he is doing, Kenny can see him tensing. And Kenny can be cruel with it. He can, but he doesn't want to be. Kenny has seen the depths of hell on earth with poor examples of relationships. Has seen drunken parents knock each others teeth out, yell at the top of their lungs, hurt, enable and destroy. Love scared him too. It scared him as he would stare at the pictures Craig had on his facebook; back when he had one. Would scare him as he would watch from a distance, the thought that he could love someone who could easily hurt him, like many others who have caused his death, yes- but also like his parents do to each other.

Kenny's not scared anymore. Not anymore or ever again. How can he? The more he watches humans love and live, the more he talks to dead lovers in heaven, hell and gather more understanding; he observes that as fleeting as relationships and life can be. Is it really the end we should be dwelling on? Or should we be enjoying what is here, right now? The more Kenny died, although it's hated-despised. The more he tried to make every moment on earth something worth it.

Kenny wishes Craig could see it. It's a simple construct, one that took Kenny years to believe in. In this moment he knows that the stare Craig gives him is not one of knowing but yearning. Yearning to know and trust, but being too damn scared to open up enough to it. Maybe, realistically-that's what the look always meant.

So Craig will stare at Kenny wishing; internally wanting to let Kenny in.

He still shuts himself down.

"What?" Craig asks as his brows furrow. He folds his arms over his chest, chin raising up to show a fearless, colder exterior. Kenny notices that his stare now isn't direct at him though, it's focused passed Kenny. A cop out.

"I think you're the one that has got a little too close. I think you're copping out on me, nothing lasts forever. Right? So you might as well end it before I do?" Maybe Kenny says this more harshly than intended. And Kenny watches as Craig stands up, shaking his head. Kenny can see an underline fear, hurt. It's in the way Craig gently quivers, loosening up to the company of emotions that Kenny knows he doesn't want to lose control of in the daylight of Harbucks.

Kenny stands as Craig retreats, grabbing the rose and making way to the door. He catches up with the other, gripping onto his shoulder and spinning him towards Kenny. When they're face to face again, Kenny speaks up.

"I don't want to be like every other shitty guy, Craig. Ok?" Kenny tells him as he shoves the rose back to him. Craig bites at his lips, his eyes on Kenny's. It's there, the look of wanting, wishing, yearning.

It's Craig that kisses him first. Who grabs his hand as they walk the short distance to his little apartment. It's a nice one. One that Kenny knows many people haven't been able to see. Or atleast, not outside of dim light or the haze of sex. Kenny knows Craig's place is sacred to him.

They don't fuck, they go to Craig's room and lay down. Craig moves closer to Kenny and Kenny wraps him up in his arms. It's warm, sunlight beaming in from a window above where Craig's bed is placed.

Kenny can feel the others tears dampening his shirt. He doesn't say anything about it, instead reaching his hand up. Lifting Craigs chin so they're eye level. Kenny presses his fingers against the soft skin to wipe the salt away.

"What's wrong?" Kenny asks as Craig's greens open to Kenny's blue eyes.

"I don't. I don't think you should love me." It's vague, but Kenny doesn't need a fleshed out explanation. He runs his thumb across Craig's lower lip and looks him over.

"Well, I do. I don't intend to stop now. I don't intend to leave. I don't think you want me to either. If you do, say it."

Craig doesn't.

They fall asleep at 1 PM that day. Craig works a late shift as well as Kenny. It's why they scheduled this out. Kenny never lets go of Craig, not until Craig wakes for his job. Maneuvering himself out of the hold. Slipping on a button down with slacks for his well paying position.

Craig leaves Kenny in his bed, like he always does. When Kenny wakes it's to the rose and a sticky note. He's rolled over onto it, and the note clings to Kenny's little stubbles on his chin.

Kenny picks the rose up by the stem and rolls it through two fingers. The thorns have been smoothed down after being touched and manhandled so much. It's sickly looking now, petals looking darker and bruised.

The note reads 'Sorry, Kenny, you're much too late.'

It's crumpled up, and Kenny bites at his lower lip. Kenny pulls his cellphone out, realizes the time. He could make it to work on time. Kenny could leave here, speed down the highway back to South Park. He could never return and leave Craig behind. But Kenny looks down at that rose, thinks of the symbolism and lets a sigh out. He can't allow this to end like that. No way in hell.

So Kenny quickly texts his boss that he can't make it in. It's shitty, really fucking shitty. It's not something Kenny ever does though, so he knows it will be more accepted than anyone else that works at Hells Pass.

Usually Kenny is expected to leave after sleeping with Craig.

He doesn't, he refuses to be every other shitty guy. The more Kenny engaged in this dynamic, the more he was mortified that he is.

So he waits and waits in Craig's space for him to return.


End file.
